Zhang Haixing said, “When entering the snow mountain, immunity to this kind of bell is very important. We need to know if you have the ability to withstand all changes. Because although we don’t know what kind of scenes will appear in your hallucinations, they will definitely be the things you fear the most in your heart. You are in great despair, and this despair can trigger extreme pain and rejection responses. In such circumstances, you have managed to endure, which is quite difficult. From this, we know that you are someone who can accept any hardship and will not give up on yourself because of it; you are someone who can solve any crisis.
What’s most remarkable is that you woke up by yourself after the hallucinations disappeared, while many people can’t wake up from it. I wanted to tell her that I’m really not someone who can solve any crisis, and how do you know what kind of scene I was in during the hallucination, but I truly didn’t have the energy to argue.
Zhang Haixing continued, “We can hear you speaking and use language to guide your hallucinations. Everything you say in the hallucination is audible to us, and what comforts me the most is that what you said is very positive, unlike the words of that fat guy, which were simply unbearable. I don’t even know what he was thinking in a critical moment.”
I glanced at the fat guy; he still hadn’t woken up. Zhang Longban was gently shaking the bell near his ear. The fat guy slowly started to respond, mumbling, “Don’t go, don’t go, I’d be willing to die if you did this to me. Dying under a peony, even as a ghost, is still charming.”
Zhang Haixing looked at me and made a helpless expression. I sighed as well, thinking, “If for the fat guy, this really is the thing he fears the most, it may not be something he cannot endure, but rather something he is afraid to face.”
Although it was filthy language, perhaps in his hallucination, he was seeing the ghosts of clouds? I looked into Zhang Haixing’s eyes, then at my own palms, and realized that there were indeed no wounds on my body. It was indeed an illusion. I felt a sense of emotion and suddenly began to feel confused about everything in front of me.
Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly; I don’t know if the butterfly dreamed it was Zhuang Zhou or if Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly. Many things, is it really necessary to clarify so much?
Zhang Haixing noticed my doubts and said, “You don’t need to be anxious. I know what you are worried about, but just think about whether the things that happened in the process you just experienced could reasonably occur, and you will understand whether you are in a hallucination or in reality.”
I thought about the temple earlier being filled with bugs, then looked around the current temple. I thought about it and confirmed that this could absolutely not happen. All hallucinations come suddenly; if they weren’t so real, I would definitely have realized I was in a hallucination.
The most terrifying part is that even the pain feels real.
Then Zhang Haixing said again, “Think again, are those terrifying things you experienced what you fear in your heart?”
I fell silent, touched my body, and Zhang Longban handed me a cigarette. I lit it and said, “Everyone is only half-informed; just let me rest for a while.”
Zhang Haixing was in high spirits, which made me realize that she was probably quite young. This kind of vitality is different from An Ning’s stable and lively personality. However, when I made a sarcastic remark, she became a bit unhappy, glared at me, and turned to leave, throwing back a remark: “Just wait, my brother talks even more than I do. Let him come and serve you; you can figure it out yourselves.”
However, Zhang Haike did not show up. After the fat guy woke up, I explained everything to him, and it took him a long time to believe it. Our bodies felt very weak, not from exhaustion, but from a sense of powerlessness. By evening, Zhang Haike still hadn’t come, but Zhang Haixing returned, this time bringing some things for us to see.
**Negotiation**
“Now let me introduce our plans moving forward.” She unfolded a hand-drawn map. “In a few days, you, I, and a German will begin the real journey into the snow mountains. We need to find the places where our clan leader used to stay and understand everything that happened there. We will retrieve the items he left behind.”
I looked at Zhang Haixing and asked, “Does the German really need to go?”
“Yes,” Zhang Haixing replied. “We have reached a consensus with the German. My brother knows the specifics better. I need you to have a basic understanding of the entire route. Let me introduce myself first; I am a top-level mountaineering instructor.
This time, all your actions must follow my instructions because this is an uninhabited area of the snow mountains, completely different from the places you have been before. We have no rescue options, and there is no room for error. A small mistake could cost us our lives, so you must listen to everything I, Zhang Haixing, say without missing a word.”
I waved my hand at Zhang Haixing; I was no longer the person who could be easily manipulated. I said to her, “We are all equal parties capable of cooperation, so there’s no reason for one person to have the final say. That’s the first point. The second point is that we need to understand all the formal processes before we consider whether to go with you.
No matter what we discussed before, the conditions have changed. So I can clearly tell you that I won’t listen to whatever you say right now. I only want to hear the information we need to know. Please tell me, what exactly is going on? How did you negotiate with the Germans? Who are those Germans? If you can’t explain, have your brother come over immediately.”
Zhang Haixing glanced at the door, and Zhang Haike walked in. Zhang Haixing said, “This guy is not as obedient as I imagined.”
Zhang Haike waved his hand and said to me, “It’s best if you don’t know about the Germans. They are a non-existent organization, and their purpose for being here is different from ours. We can each take what we need.
We have just reached a reconciliation with the Germans, and the goal is to ensure your safety. So, if you insist on making things difficult for us to know everything, the consequences that follow may be something you cannot bear. You might have to wander with our family for the rest of your lives.”
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